i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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