this boner is exhausting
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
