Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
