im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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