He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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