Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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