The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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