Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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