I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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