I don't usually arrange sex via text message
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
