Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
