i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
