I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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