hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
