I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
