he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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