i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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