I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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