She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
