i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You don't make any sense
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