i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
