He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
