I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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