does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize