he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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