He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
