Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize