I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
try to milk me bitch
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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