Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
