just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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