maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
