Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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