I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
