So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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