shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
