I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
