Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
