So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
