Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
