When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
