I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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