You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
