So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
