dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
