Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
