I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
