maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize