i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
