You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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