Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
