dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
