What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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