I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
