He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
