Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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