How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
