I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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