Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
