I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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