hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
