tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
