you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
