this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
