I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
