It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
