my mouth tastes like poor choices
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
