plz talk dirty to me
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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