Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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