And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
