i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize