u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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