I want to walk on stilts...naked
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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