How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
