im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
