i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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