I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
