oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
