You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
